DogeWhistle: The Introduction

This website presents evidence that Elon Musk likely owns approximately 28% of all DogeCoin in existence (36.8 GigaDoge), worth roughly 2.6 billion dollars as of mid-February 2021. Data ranging from blockchain transaction analysis to social media posting timestamps supports this argument, and ties Musk to an address holding enormous amounts of the cryptocurrency. In particular, DogeCoin flowed from the whale wallet to an obscure charity right as Musk tweeted about donating to that charity. Multiple sources of information suggest that the Elongated Muskrat has invested approximately $381 million in DogeCoin, and that his investment (if liquidated today at market prices) would provide him a tidy $2.2 billion (~600%) in pure profit.

Elon’s musk is a pheromone-like substance, and exerts powerful effects by binding to dedicated DogeCoin receptors deep within the neocortex of a Tech Bro’s brain. This “musk” is transmissible via the Internet, and indeed Elon has generated $2.2 billion in profit for the owner of a single DogeCoin address primarily by pumping DogeCoin online, particularly on Twitter, where he boasts over 50 million followers.

I’m giving you a choice, but choose carefully. This is your last chance. After this, there is no going back.

You take the blue pill: The story ends, you wake up in your bed, and you can believe whatever you want to believe. You can choose to believe that the optimal financial strategy involves pouring your savings into a meme-based cryptocurrency hyped by an eccentric billionaire (who, incidentally, was fined $20 million by the SEC in 2018 for manipulating stock prices via Twitter). You can choose to believe that a man capable of controlling cryptocurrency prices and earning billions from price fluctuations has passed up this opportunity for profit out of the goodness of his heart. You can even choose to believe that reading stale memes constitutes “due diligence”, and that Snoop Dogg, Jake Paul, and assorted TikTok celebrities make for excellent financial advisors.

You take the DOGE pill: You stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the muskrat-hole goes.

The choice is yours.